My Love Goes Free
by andI'mstillinlove
Summary: I have decided to continue this story, yes, I'm a terrible writer with a short attention span, we'll see where it goes
1. My Love Goes Free : Intro

A/N: Valentines oneshot, will be longish. XX Cliche warning, do not hold me responsible for it XX its late yeah, but this is one of my more heartfelt oneshots, and random packets of sugar warning. --enjoy--

I hate Valentines Day. You think I'm joking? My dad died when I was 5 years old on valentines day. My mom met Ben on valentines day when I was 10, and married him when I was 11 on valentines day. I came out to them on valentines day when I was 15, and was almost disowned. And now, we moved out to stupid LA in stupid California on... you guessed it, valentines day when I was the age of 16. Oh, and my girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me last month, so even though thats not on valentines day, I still blame it on valentines day. So like I said, stupid holiday.

"Spencer!!!"

The shriek is enough to break glass, and I know its broken many a ear drum in the past. I sigh and come out of my music induced coma.

"What mom??"

I see her pop her head in, her eyes never making contact with mine as she speaks.

"Ben and I are going away for the weekend, so we're leaving you here alone, ok?"

She doesn't even wait for an answer as she quickly removes her head from sight, and I can already hear the engine of the family 4Runner starting up, and several minutes later, a slamming door and then... silence. Utter and beautiful silence, followed by more uninterrupted silence. I sigh loudly, throwing my headphones to my bed, still emitting loud techno I can hear from my doorway as I stand up. I pull the headphones out of my ipod jack and let the bass shake the house and drown any thoughts I might have started forming. This was how I liked things, me left alone on weekends where I could blast my brains out with loud and obnoxious music without anyone to bother me. I hear a door open and shut.

"Hey baby sis!!!"

...Except for when Glen actually comes home. I grumble slightly, about to retreat into my domain when I hear him stomping up the stairs and jogging to me, catching the door before I can close it.

"Hey there kiddo!"

Why is he so damn happy? I narrow my eyes at him, willing him away. Unfortunately, my brain waves fail to reach him seeing as he has no brain for me to control.

"Wanna come to a party?"

I roll my eyes.

"No Glen, I don-"

"Its a pool party, you can hook up with some chick in a bikini!"

I pause. Then I pause my pause as I realize I almost considered going to a party with him.

"Ummmm, no."

I make to close my door only to have him push back harder.

"Look man, I know its hard since Kels broke up with you, but come on, its been over a month now, we need to get you a new girl!"

I sigh, the mere mention of Kelsey's name deflating me upon hearing it. I'd been able to build up a small barrier at least to her, but I still found my defenses reduced to nothing whenever I heard a song we'd heard together,(half of my songs on my ipod being ones that reminded me of her), all the things I see reminding me of her, and somehow everyone's voice taking on her own, making me feel small and weak, and usually finding me crying into my pillow on a daily basis. I'll tell everyone I'm fine and dandy and doing just great without her, but they know I'm lying, I know I am, but I think if I say it enough, maybe I'll finally get over it.

"So whaddya say? I can't stand seeing my Spencie all broken up bout a girl, we'll find you a new one ok?"

I laughed, wanting to believe him, wanting to believe that there was someone out there that could even possibly hope to fill this gaping void I had in me, but I knew it was useless. I still agreed anyway. So I now find myself sat beside a happily chattering Glen, vaguely reminding me of one of those screaming monkey things with how often his voice rises and falls. I'm also surprised we haven't crashed with all the waving of his hands he's doing. We eventually came to an apartment complex, buried deep in the heart of the hustle and bustle of LA, nestled in the midst of the giant skyscrapers and office buildings. I just thought it'd be another one of those incredibly cramped apartment parties. Turns out they got a whole floor, the roof, and the pool. This improved my mood a little bit, and my mood further improved upon seeing the throngs of girls running to and fro, some in bikini tops and shorts, others in what I wouldn't really call a bathing suit, and other just in giant tshirts of sorts. I feel a hand pound me on the back.

"See? Look at all these girls, take your pick!"

A group of girls strut past in their barely there bikinis, and Glen almost starts drooling.

"...Just not those girls ok? See ya!"

And like that, I was left alone amid a whirlwind of scantily clad girls and guys and never ending river of alcohol. I quickly take in my surroundings, my mind buzzing from the activity and noise being generated. I locate the pool, the underwater lights beginning to shine as that oh so famous California blood orange sunset begins to paint the sky in all sorts of reds and oranges. I sigh, this time of day usually found me and Kels up on my roof, watching the sunset until the sky became dark, then resorting to starwatching until we both fell asleep. I'm telling you, memories suck really bad sometimes. I brush these thoughts away, hoping to find something, someone, hell, anything that will make me forget, if only for a while. Now most of you would say alcohol would be a great answer, but I do not do alcohol. It's part of the reason I'm single right now, and I have a fierce hate and distrust of any form of alcohol, whether it be jello shots or that yummy Smirinoff vodka.

Anyway, I made sure to stay away from the free flowin' booze river that threatened to turn into a flash flood and made my way to the pool, the lights increasing as the light outside decreased. I sat gingerly down, dangling my legs in the warm water, watching the laughing and screaming mass of girls and guys swimming/wrestling/tickling each other in the pool. I zoned for a while, my eyes flitting here and there amidst the turmoil of the pool, my thoughts having no real reason or rhyme to them. I suddenly tuned back into the waking world, hearing a loud screech. My head craned to see who it was working the tables tonight, probably some macho buffed out guy who was drunk off his ass and decided to play with the pretty buttons. I stood up, deciding to relieve the super idiot of his post and try my hand at spinning, missing the feel of the turn tables beneath my fingers.

I arrived in time to find a very drunk man slumped on the platform, a half empty bottle of tequila in his loosely clenched hand. I nudged him off with my foot, quickly retrieving the headphones, somewhat wet from god knows what. I quickly wiped it off, perching them around my neck, one on my ear as I looked around the system. I felt bad for whoevers laptop was hooked up to the tables, that thing was as good as gone by the end of tonight. I flipped through the music library, pleasantly surprised at the music selection, clicking on one of my favorites and re-adjusting the knobs. I heard a collective scream from the crowd, them noticing that someone who actually knew what they were doing was not manning the tables. The floor cleared in front of the tables soon swelling, the token grinding and sex on the dance floor dancing commencing without missing a beat. I put both earmuffs over my ears, losing myself in the music coursing through my head and shaking the ground beneath me, hitting subwoofer switches here and adjusting the tempo there.

Each song melded into the next, my mind becoming a virtual music player, recalling old favorites, predicting tempos that needed to be changed, bass that needed to raised and lowered, and I entered my music coma, becoming another extension of the music, letting it flow through me, controlling my movements and thoughts, and even dictating when I breathed. My flow remained uninterrupted, all else just a blur on the border of my vision, bright colors filing past me, the shouts just whispers to my ears, and the warm night setting in nothing more then a light blanket on my shoulders.

I suddenly feel a light tap on my board, my trance breaking as my eyes meet with brown ones, startling me, but not for reasons I'd think. I quickly slide the headphones off, my ears assaulted by screams and laughter accompanied by the music. Her mouth moves, but I hear nothing, my ears beginning to buzz now.

"What??"

I have to scream just to be heard, my voice sounding dull to me. She leaned over my setup, her face coming right up to mine. Her eyes were beautiful. A dark brown, yet light somehow, becoming an almost auburn color, something I'd never seen before. I felt more then heard her words.

"I said, could you play a slow song??"

I frowned momentarily, I hated slow songs, just another way for the couples of the world to strike at the single and lonely kids.

"Why??"

She smiled at me.

"Cause there's this blonde I wanna dance with!"

I roll my eyes, she can't be serious can she?

"If that is your best attempt at a pick up line, I'm gonna have to no!"

She pauses, her eyes dimming slightly as her brow furrows. Its pretty damn cute if you ask me. She leans back to me, closer this time, until I can feel her breathe on my lips, smelling like mint and beer mixed with something else, completely alien to me and my senses.

"Ok, how about..."

She pulls out a small pack of sugar from seemingly nowhere, handing it to me.

"...Did you lose your nametag, cause I think I found it."

I can't help the laugh that bubbles up from me, soon causing me to double over, my eyes beginning to blur from the tears. I look up to see she's not kidding.

"Your not kidding are you??"

She shakes her head, a huge smile on her face. I have to say, extra points right there for keeping a straight face and saying that pick up line. I would've cracked before I could get the punchline out. I take another look at the brown eyed girl. Aside from her brown/auburn eyes, she had beautiful curly brown hair, tumbling down every which way in a manner that hinted that she had probably just woken up, but looking so beautiful, you knew it was kind of that "oh look, my hair is good today, and I haven't even brushed it" situation. She was small, probably no more then 5'4 and small build, but I could see from her outfit (short shorts and a white wife beater) that she was built in the feminine sense, and she had an eerily perfect tan, one that I couldn't believe that the California sun could actually paint on a human being. My eyes traced back up to her face, her smile still there, and a glint of mischief flitting through her eyes. How could I resist?

I turned to the laptop, going over genres, and to my delight finding several cds from one of my favorite artists on it. I clicked the play button and took off my ear phones, still reluctant to leave the tables unattended. Brown eyed girl picked up on it and darted around the tables, grabbing my hand in hers. I couldn't help the smile as her skin pressed to mine, her hands were small as well, but strong and smooth, and as soft as soft could ever hope to be. She smiled too, the same smile, the same one that told me she understood, and that it was just a dance. With a tug to my hand, we were walking to the center of the dancefloor, now swarming with pairs, guys and girls, girls and girls, and I think I even caught some guy and guy couples. The opening notes swirled around us, and though I was compelled to look at the ground as the lyrics hit me like a kick in face, I found myself only staring into her eyes. I felt like I was being drawn forward and upward at the same time, giving me slight vertigo.

"_Love is a sadness, love is a madness, and we are all addicts._

_What are we if we're not in love?  
What are we if we're not in love?"_

I felt brown eyes arms slide around my waist, pulling me in closer until I felt her hands resting on the small of my back, and her front pressed to mine. We fit, and it was a strange feeling. Like slotted parts manufactured to fit each other, like puzzle pieces meant to interlock and create an image, like two pieces of a broken heart re-inserting themselves into their old grooves and spots, and working again. My hands drifted to her neck, my fingers interlocking behind her neck, all the while keeping the eye conversation flowing. She was still smiling, but it was a different kind now, soft and sweet, telling me she knew what I was feeling, could read it all in my bloodshot and tear stained eyes, and that she understood. And somehow, I felt so complete in that moment, I almost had to turn and run, this feeling so unknown and scary to me. But I stayed, our bodies moving together.

"See? Dancing with me's not too bad."

Her voice wasn't higher then a raspy whisper, as light as the air around us, a pleasant breath tickling my ear. I couldn't help the smile once again, blushing slightly as I felt her arms tighten a little around me. She leaned back to my ear.

"Nothin's gonna get you DJ, I promise."

I laughed at the nickname, finally surrendering into the urge to let my face fall to her neck, fitting perfectly in the crook of her shoulder and the base of her neck. I inhaled so hard I thought I'd pass out, the smell of light vanilla and lilacs assaulting me and making me smile even more. The songs played one after another going through the cds on the playlist, finding me and her still swaying, me singing silently into her skin as tears stung at my eyes, memories of Kelsey and I coming to me as the music flowed from the oversized speakers.

"_She said;_

_'Friend, all along, I thought I was learning how to take,_

_How to bend, not how to break,_

_How to live, not how to cry,_

_But really, I've been learning how to die,_

_Been learning how to die."_

"Good music choice DJ, its been a while since I've listened to Jon."

"That laptop yours?"

I can feel her smile even though I can't see it.

"Yeah, its my party too, my friends made me throw it, try to get me over my girlfriend leaving me."

I raise my head up, and look deep into her eyes to see that same pain written in them, that they were still slightly red and bloodshot from the crying she's done, and the crying she will be doing. And I tell her silently that I understand. I smile.

"Well you have a great taste in music."

She laughs, her eyes shining.

"Great taste in women I'd say too."

I blush at this, knowing where this is heading. I pull away, hoping to walk away without wrecking too much havoc, only to find her arms securely around my waist.

"Where you running off to DJ?"

Her eyes are full of questions, and I know I have them too, those same questions, those same tears, those same feelings, and I feel overwhelmed. I do the only I know to do.

"No, this..."

I point to us.

"...This shouldn't be happening, we're both still reeling, and these feelings are natural cause we're trying to deal and..."

Her soft finger on my lips makes my train of thought derail and crash into a barn, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Stop trying to hide DJ, you've been hiding behind your music all night."

She removes her finger, placing her lips there instead. Their soft. So, so soft. I have to grab onto her shoulders to keep from floating away or falling down, maybe even both. She tastes like summer, like chlorine pools and salty oceans, like a melting chocolate ice cream, like laughter, like the cool breeze on a cool night, like the soft kisses shared underneath the starry sky, wrapped up in blankets and each other, on a bed of the softest grass. She tastes like... happiness. She pulls away finally, and I can see the tear tracks on her cheeks, and I know I'm crying too.

"_If you love her let her go,_

_If you love her let her go,_

_Cause she's beautiful as love,_

_A tune that only caged birds know."_

I know the healing is just starting for both of us, and the road before us is stretching out as infinite as space itself, and as unknown as the other galaxies in the star studded sky, but as hopeful as new love, and as sweet as chocolate on Valentines Day. Maybe this isn't such a bad holiday after all.

A/N: Lil late, I really don't like Valentines Day, but what the heck, with all the spare emotions running rampant in me, seemed as good an idea as any. Jon Foreman songs (in order) The Moon is a Magnet, Learning How to Die, and My Love Goes Free from his Winter and Fall EP's, beautiful music, strongly recommended. Hope it was a good Valentines Day/SAD, peace all.


	2. Destination Calabria

A/N: I really am a terrible author, don't tell me that, cause trust me I know. But I think I can stick with this one (hopefully), reviewer Arieskies gave me the idea to continue this from a oneshot to a story, so I'll give it a shot, if you have any ideas/plot twists/conflicts, please PM me, I'm not sure where I should take this, all suggestions are welcome, you will get full credit and recognition. Ok, --enjoy--

_I'm leaving for a destination I still don't know,_

_Somewhere nobody must have duties at all,_

_And if you like this, you can follow me. _

If there's one day I usually despise more then Valentines day, its the day _after_. It usually includes sleeping off an enormous chocolate hangover, eating more chocolate, and trying to work over the valentines depression of being alone and hopelessly wanting someone to fill in the gap. Now I say usually. This day after valentines day is different. Good different, or bad different, I'm not sure yet, but I'll be finding out soon. Ashley. She says her name is Ashley. Normally Ashley's and I don't get along, not sure why, but our personality types never usually mesh very well. I'm assuming that this Ashley and I should be able to work well with each other, but that depends on her. I've been sitting on my bed for what feels like day, re-living last night, and trying to wrap my brain around it in any way I can. My fingers find themselves tracing my lips, remembering how hers felt pressed against mine. Everytime I breathe, its not the same normal air I'm used to breathing in this house, the slightly stale air that tasted like broken dreams and hearts, it's different, almost like a different gas from another planet, smelling as sweet as vanilla, and lingering just on the edge of your brain.

She's infected me. Like some sort of new and dangerous disease, she's successfully worked her way into my bloodstream, infiltrating my brain and conjuring up pictures of her, how the bright lights of last night reflected off of her and gave her an other-worldly appearance, something I can only liken to goddess's themselves. It's bad, I know it, I can feel it in the very pit of my stomach that this Ashley will break me so much worse then Kelsey could have ever hoped to do to me. Yet, despite my common-sense screaming at me to end it before I got any deeper, I still picked up the phone when it says the caller ID... "Ashley".

"Hello?"

My voice is shaking almost as bad as my hands right now, and it's all I can do to stay on the phone, that alien feeling creeping up on me once again.

"_Hey DJ."_

I can hear the smile in her voice, and I can't help but match her imagined smile with my own.

"_What's happening over there?"_

Her voice is even raspier on the phone, and just as breathy, making me feel as if she's right beside me, whispering it into my ear and staring at me intensely as she did last night. I swallow, trying to find words, but finding only air coming out of my mouth when I open it to speak.

"_Having issues talking again?"_

I hear a light laugh and I finally found my voice, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Sorry, just spaced out for a few there."

"_I know how that is, so how's my DJ doing."_

I can't help the small smile at her title for me, it felt like it had been years since anyone cared enough to claim me as their own.

"Doing ok, just lying around and thinking. How about you, brown eyes?"

I can hear a small laugh again, and I fall back on my bed, feeling comfortable in it for the first time in a month or so.

"_Doing good, just took a break from cleaning up, I swear, kids these days have no respect for other peoples properties."_

I laugh, trying and failing to picture how completely trashed the pool and surrounding decks looked.

"The nerve of youthes these days, you just can't trust em'."

"_I know, leave it to the older and wiser people to pick up their messes."_

"I'm just thinking 'leave it to the older people'."

"_Hey!! What's that mean?"_

I can't help but laugh, imagining her face scrunched up as she tries to divine my insult.

"_Your lucky your so cute or I'd be kicking your pretty butt all over the place."_

She had successfully changed the gears of our conversation completely, turning us to a different course, one heading for explanations and answers.

"Oh, so I'm cute and I have a pretty butt?"

"_The cutest and the prettiest."_

I laugh, she's so cute sometimes. I clear my throat as the laughter dies down, deciding on how to approach the sure to be touchy subject.

"So... Um, Ash?"

"_Yeah, Spencer?"_

I have to inhale deeply (the air smelling like her) to steady my nerves, the way she whispers my name like that, its almost enough to make me decide against what I'm going to say. Almost.

"What are we going to do, I mean, about...us? There is an us right? Or am I just imagining it, or if I'm-"

"_Whoa whoa there, slowdown DJ, your going to pass out from lack of oxygen. Deep breathes now."_

I sigh, this isn't a time for joking.

"You shouldn't be joking about this Ashley, its serious."

"_Is it?"_

I'm taken back by her question, only to sputter on.

"Of course it's important, I mean... its important ok?"

"_Whatever you say DJ."_

"Is there a reason your being so calm and careless about this??"

"_Is there a reason your being so touchy and bitchy about this?"_

I had to stop, this girl was good. My mind was chasing itself in circles, trying to reply with a comeback, a retort, anything.

"_Look, its really easy, I want you. We're clear on that right?"_

My eyes bug out. She did not just-

"_Right?"_

"Yeah."

My mouth has now disengaged itself from my brain or any other form of intelligent speech control.

"_And the only reason your making a big deal out of this is because you want me too, you just don't think we should be wanting each other."_

My face falls. How the hell? I hear her laugh, the sound annoying me somewhat, somebody has ego issues.

"_Your easy to read DJ, just like a book."_

I hear shouting on the other end.

"_Hey, I've gotta go, I'll call you tonight ok?"_

Before I have a chance to get a word in edgewise, she's gone. I sigh and throw my phone clear across the room, landing with a thud on the wood floor. What'd I tell you? Ashley Davies will be the end of me.

A/N: Comments, questions, concerns, and complaints shall be made in the form of reviews, peace.


	3. My Moon, My Man

A/N: Just got back from a party that the first person I've ever fallen in love with threw. I swear, she takes reality and throws it into a blender with all my emotions and thoughts of her and presses "Hi Speed." Not to mention that her boyfriend was hanging all over her tonight, but I digress. It just is so trippy to see someone that changed your life in one of those profound ways, and have things be so different from how they were. Ah well. Thank you to my reviewers, hope you guys like this chappy as well, don't forget to submit your thoughts/complaints, cause if you don't ever write and send em, I can't fix whats wrong. --enjoy--

_My moon and me,_

_Not as good as we've been,_

_It's the dirtiest clean I know. _

I was just getting the last damnable knot out of my still wet hair when my phone began to shake and sing across the room.

"_Will someone please call a surgeon, who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart, that's sure deserving, for better company, I can't accept that its over-"_

I jog to the other side of the room and pick it up, full well knowing who's calling.

"Hello?"

"_Hey there."_

I smiled, she just did that to me.

"_How's your night going?"_

"Alright, just struggling with my mane right now."

I glare at the brush for emphasis and hear her light, breathy laugh.

"_I like your hair, it smells good."_

"Should I be concerned that you like how my hair smells?"

More laughter from her end, and I turn on my ipod dock, setting it to soft music as I lay back on my bed, staring at the posters on my ceiling as she speaks again.

"_Smells like coconut and something else... something Spencer I think."_

"You've thought about this?"

"_Last night and all day today DJ."_

I gape slightly, that was... creepy, but so sweet. I clear my throat, hoping to cough up some of the butterflies at it again in my stomach, stabbing and prodding in my stomach.

"So uh, how was cleaning up?"

"_We actually finished, so that leaves tomorrow nice and open."_

"Oh yeah? And what crazy and wild plans do you have planned for tomorrow?"

"_Oh you know, drink a bit, maybe snort some coke..."_

I start laughing again, imagining her grin as she talks, her eyes shining with laughter and happiness.

"_...Maybe swing by this cute blonde's house, take her out, you know."_

I stop laughing, she's done it again, taken a light conversation to new and deeper depths then previously explored. I start picking at my comforter, trying to formulate what I was feeling into words.

"Ash, um..."

"_What, you don't want to go out with me?"_

I bite my lip now, we were treading on delicate ground, and must move cautiously and carefully.

"No! No, I just... shouldn't we start out as... I don't know, friends?"

There's a silence meeting my suggestion, and I get slightly nervous. I should have known better, the F bomb wrecking thousands of couples and would-be couples daily, world wide.

"_Can friends still slow dance or cuddle?"_

I smile, thinking back to last night, finding us a nice distance away from the now out of control party, laying down on some of the fake turf of the apartment complex, her arms around my waist, and my head just above her chest, listening to the beat of her heart, and the rhythm of her breathing.

"Friends still do that."

I can see that smile again, even before she starts talking again.

"_Yeah, ok, I guess we can be this thing you call 'friends'."_

I laugh, quickly jumping to another subject and talking well into the night with her. Eventually, with my phone still to my ear, her breathy words still coming to me, I drifted into a sleep filled with warm bodies and soft lips, the scent of lilac and vanilla just barely registering in my mind, her delicate hands tracing patterns of imaginary shapes on my skin, whispering across my skin. That night, I dreamt of Ashley Davies, in all her wonderful forms and shapes, in all her moods and guises, she visited me, and gave me the sweetest dreams I'd ever had.

A/N Short, yes, but it came in a burst, so I figured small bursts instead of long, ill thought out chapters is better. Have good dreams of that girl tonight. peace


	4. She Loves You

A/N Sorry bout that short chapter, I was meaning to put this up following it right after, but things happen you know. Anyway, thanks to my reviewers, and, you all know what's happened with SoN, so if you haven't already, go to savespashleydotcom, I say if we go down, at least we Spashley-ers go down fighting and yelling, --enjoy--

_She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah._

I've got a date. Well, maybe not a date since I said we're 'friends', but whatever, I'm still panicking and running around like a maniac. She said she'd be here around 2, and its 2:15 right now. I woke up to her singing to me, still on the phone, staying on the entire night while I slept. She's amazing, I swear, and I'm getting in way too deep with her. If she was a virus before, she's a downright virulent plague now, encompassing everything in my life, I kid you not, everything in my room smells like her, and I keep on hearing her voice at the oddest times, Glen opening his mouth to say something, and his words turning into Ash's. I think I'm going crazy. No, I know I'm going crazy, and it's because of _her_. The door bell sounds suddenly, and to my ears and my adrenaline crazed system, it almost causes me to go into cardiac arrest. I hear Glen dash down the stairs, nearly ripping open the door to meet Ashley.

"Hey baby sis!!!!!!!"

His voice travels to me, and I again mentally wish him very far, far away. I tepidly climb down the stairs, my courage and sudden adrenaline rush fading to nothing as my eyes rest on her once more. She's leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, and a bored expression on her face as she tries to subtly give Glen the hint to leave. It falls on deaf ears and a dumb mind. Her eyes travel over Glen's shoulder to meet mine, and I can see the bored expression melt into her beautiful smile. Did I mention she has a stunning smile? Glen retreats, as he should, leaving the two of us several feet apart, staring stupidly at each other. I'm vaguely aware of my defenseless bottom lip being bitten by my teeth, my hands fidgeting in my pockets, my heart skipping like it has murmurs, and my eyes looking at nothing but her.

"Whatcha lookin at DJ?"

I finally let go of my poor lip, grinning widely at her, forgetting the "friend" rule altogether, walking up to her and letting her pull me in the final few inches, our bodies fitting together as strangely as they did at that summer party. My head falls to her shoulder, her arms forcing me further into her until we're as tightly compacted as possible with two human beings. I can feel her fingers trailing lightly through my hair, barely grazing over the back of my neck. I breathe deeply, and the faint wisps of her smell were blasted out by the clear and definite scent of having her right in front of me, holding me like I don't think I've ever been held before. I can feel her shift slightly, putting her mouth near my ear again.

"Your brothers oogling at us, do you think we can leave?"

Despite the shivers racing down my back as I hear her raspy voice so close to me again, I whirl around in time to hear a faint "oh shit!" accompanied by the flash of Glen's white form racing up the stairs and slamming his door. Serves that perv right, go get your own hot "friend". I turn back around, a blush running rampantly across my face.

"Sorry, he's just-"

"Glen."

I smiled, at least she understood what I had to deal with on a regular basis. She offers me her hand, and without a second thought, I grasp it, still incredibly soft, and fitting as scarily as we fit when we hug. Her hand closes over mine, fingers filling the gaps in between mine, and I can only smile bigger as she tugs me gently outside, closing the door behind me and leading me to what I guessed was her car, an all black '68 Dodge Charger. I had to pause and admire the beauty.

"Is this yours?"

She stops slightly in front of me, turning back to face me.

"It's my baby. You like?"

"It's beautiful, nice eye."

She winks at me as she opens the drivers door.

"Yeah well, you could say I know beauty when I see it."

I blush again, nearly tripping and breaking my ankle as I wobble to the other side, all but collapsing into the giant seat, thankful to not have fallen and looked like an even bigger idiot to her. She started the car, and the action of just getting the engine to turn over caused the entire car to shake, almost breaking my teeth as she put it in first. The roar almost deafened me and I vaguely wondered how on earth I didn't hear her pull up.

"How many cylinders is this??"

I have to lean over to her seat to be heard as she revves the engine.

"6 with turbo. Why??"

She puts the car in first and the engine quiets considerably as we pull out and merge with the sea of traffic flowing in and out of LA.

"So where we off to DJ?"

She gives me a look out of the corner of her eye as she pulls into the center lane, rolling down the window and leaning back into the massive seats.

"I don't really know, I don't go out too often."

She turns to look at me, that same glint in her eye as that night at the party.

"Now I find that hard to believe."

I laugh again and reach for the window as well, rolling it part way down, breathing in the LA air as the sun just barely peaks over the giant skyscrapers in the distance. The ground has become a shimmering pool of distorted shapes and cars, the heat already radiating from the ground and the air itself. I really hate it here, even though the pre-summer heat waves give the female residents of LA an excuse to wear short shorts and tight tops (which I do not complain about), the heat itself is my mortal enemy, and I constantly blame Al Gore and his oversized jumbo jets for the current global warming crisis we have.

"How about the beach?"

Ash makes a face before turning back to the road.

"I hate the beaches here, dirty water, fat white people in speedos, and hot as hell."

"What? No love for the crappy over-crowded California beaches?"

She sticks her tongue at me, switching lanes again.

"None whatsoever Spencey, none at all."

I smile as I sink further into the large seats, watching the world pass by us in a warm, fuzzed blur, just outside my reach. Before long my hand is riding the air currents, dipping up and down through the wind as we drive further into the heart of LA. The silence falls around us like a light blanket, covering us, but never quite stifling, the only noise eminating from the outside world as we remain comfortable in our own little bubble.

"So..."

Her one syllable draws me from my daze as I see her switching looks from me to the road.

"You're not coming up with any bright ideas here DJ, come on now."

I laugh, my hand still dancing in the still air swishing by us as the skyscrapers begin to crowd us, and the noise packs in even tighter around us.

"I don't know, where do you usually go, your the 'smart one' here I'm assuming."

She winks at me, switching lanes again.

"I won't argue with you there, hmm..."

She snaps her fingers, changing gears and passing by a myriad of cars.

"I got just the place DJ, you'll love it."

I smile again while we pass further into the heart of the living, breathing city that is Los Angeles. Talk tentatively starts, and before long we're joking and laughing as I finally smile and laugh for the first time in what feels like years. Before long, the sun is beginning its slow descent downwards, decreasing the heat slightly and we're still driving.

"Are you planning on driving me to an abandoned warehouse and murdering me out in the back?"

She grins wickedly and I'd be lying if I didn't say that its one of the sexiest things I'd ever seen, from how her nose scrunched slightly to how her eyes changed imperceptibly to a shade darker, mischief for sure in those beautiful brown eyes of hers.

"Nah, thats only on Mondays, besides, who'd kill a cute little thing like you?"

I roll my eyes and the silence falls back on us, the sun beginning its steady downward plunge now, the shadows beginning to lengthen and the neon lights start to flicker on here and there. I'll tell you, I hate this place with a passion, but nothing beats a view of LA lit up at night, somehow the artificial lights and man made mountains became beautiful when the sun set. We arrive outside an apartment building, a different one then where her party was. She gracefully puts the car in park and gets out, me following suit. I turn too regard the building, the shadows growing longer as the minutes passed.

"See? I knew you were going to murder me in an abandoned building."

She snorts and walks around, leaning against the car beside me. Her arm barely touches mine as she leans back, and I'm left giddy with the warmth spreading through from just that scant contact of our skin.

"This is where I have my loft, I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner."

I regard her curiously, and she just smiles that beautiful and amazing smile, clasping my hand in hers and leading up to the doorway. I smile as we climb the stairs winding upwards, realizing I would follow this girl anywhere, even to the ends of the earth if she asked.

A/N: Gotta go for the gym, I'll update the other part later, figured you guys should have something. Peace n love


	5. Marching Bands of Manhattan

A/N: This isn't really 'right after' my other chapter, things just come up, and thoughts commandeer the mind, what else can I say. –enjoy--

_If I could open my mouth, wide enough for a marching band to march out,_

_They would make your name sing, and bend through alleys and bounce off of the buildings._

"Ash, slow down, I'm not as in shape as you are."

We're on the 3rd flight of stairs, and she's wayyyy ahead of me on the stairwell. On the bright side, it gives me a perfect excuse to oogle her perfect rear end and legs, leaving a trail of drool as I stumbled on behind her. She turns to me, several stairs above me, and gives me an adorable smile which I can't help but return, and I'm soon catching up to her. She pats my back lightly and slows slightly down, letting her hand trail the length of my arm, barely a ghost of a touch on my skin. If it weren't for her amazingly soft and warm hand clasping mine, I would have tumbled back down the last 300 someodd steps we just traversed.

"We'll get you in shape DJ, don't you worry."

And we're off once again, and several minutes (and probably a lung and a half) later, we finally reach a landing as I collapse onto the ground. She stands over me, and I can see the smirk on her face.

"Oh, you think my lungs collapsing or me having a heart attack is smirk-worthy brown eyes?"

Her smile widens as she offers her hand, and I can't stay mad, even if its just fake play anger at her for more then 5 seconds. I grasp it and she fluidly pulls me up, tugging me along to a door which she opens, revealing more demon stairs. Fortunately, theres only 5, and when we reach the landing, I breathe in fresh air (or at least as fresh as LA air gets), surprised to be outside. The journey up the stairwell of hell took much longer then I thought, the sun now just touching the horizon. I surveyed my surroundings, it was... a roof. I gazed at Ash slightly confused, and she only smiled, nodding her head to a spot to the edge closest to us. We reach the edge and I let me hands rest on the raised balcony type border, and I become giddy again as I see the view below me. Spanning out in all directions is the metropolis of LA, but not the normal dirty, smoggy LA. No, its my favorite kind of LA, the neon lit and shadowy kind, the mysterious kind. I turn to see her looking at me, a smile on her face.

"You like it?"

I nodded my head excitedly, turning back to the view. The sun was beginning its full descent now, and I saw lights flicker on here and there, the sky becoming darker slowly and steadily. I suddenly feel her arms slide around my waist, drawing me slightly back until I run into the solid beam that is her body. Her beautiful, warm body. I let myself relax in her arms, and her chin finds itself on a perch on my left shoulder, giving me a look of her out of the corner of my eye, and the sight of her this close and this beautiful is better then any view of the city could ever hope to be.

"I'm glad you like it DJ."

Her voice is low, and it sounds even better at this close range, reminding me of sandpaper on soft wood. She presses a kiss to my temple, and I have to smile, this moment right here is unlike anything I've ever had or experienced before. Kelsey couldn't do these things, couldn't make me feel the way she makes me feel, she couldn't get smiles out of me for just looking at me, it was something so foreign and strange, and so beautiful. She tightens her grip on me slightly, and my hands come to rest on top of her interlaced ones, the feeling of her body against mine making me almost giddy, her body so strangely and incredibly warm, making me lean further back into her. By now, the sky is almost completely dark, the sun now just a sliver above the distant horizon, setting the line on fire in contrast to the dark blue setting around us. The air is warm as always, with only a little wind, and what little wind there is carries the smell of Ashley right to me, and the grin I'm wearing grows wider if possible.

The sound of the rushing traffic below us is barely a whisper to us up here, and all I hear is Ash's breathing, lulling me into a smiling euphoria that was warm and soft.

"Hey Ash?"

"Hmmm?"

The vibration of her voice transfers to me, making me feel tingly and warmer then before.

"Why'd you decide to talk to me?"

I see her smile out of the corner of my eye as she settles deeper onto my shoulder and tightens her grip slightly.

"Oh you know... Short shorts, tight top, that kinda thing."

I shove myself back slightly, hitting her arms that are around my waist.

"Funny, thats what made me consider dancing with you."

She squeezes back, laughing softly in my ear.

"I'm kidding, kidding, Spence."

She settles back into her place on my shoulder, pressing another light kiss to my temple.

"Hmm, ok, how about this..."

Her fingers lace through mine, and I'm struggling to listen to her words, let alone continue breathing normally.

"I saw you up at the tables, and you were just in it you know, just in your own world. Everyone was a part of it, moving with the rhythms you made, and I then I saw you and... I just wanted to be in that world too, even as a little part, just to get a taste of what it was like to live in your world."

Now don't get me wrong, I'm a cute person, I've been told that by multiple people, and I love cute things, but that? Head-explodingly cute. I don't know how that girl does it, one look, one word, one confession, it all has me spiraling like mad, going down to a place where I don't know the way, and where I love being lost.

"Better explanation for you?"

Her voice draws me out of my cute overed haze, bringing me back to being wrapped up in her arms.

"One of the best explanations I've ever heard."

Her arms loosen around me, turning me to face her, and all I can see is her face. Those brown eyes, full of life, full of fun, full of... Ashley. That beautiful smile, how theres a dimple on her left cheek, how it can reach all the way to her eyes and make them shine like theres a light coming from the inside out, and how her nose crinkles when she laughs... Her hands on my face bring me out of my Ashley haze once again, how everywhere they touch, it feels like the skin beneath is being burned by this incredible heat, how her hands are cool against my burning skin, soothing the fire she herself started. She bites her lip, and I have to smile at that, if there was a picture of perfection better then this one, staring me full in the face, I'd like to see proof, because I don't believe for a second anything could get more beautiful then her.

"I know we're friends Spence, but... Come on, I can't look at you like this, right here, so beautiful, and not kiss you. It's like, a crime y'know?"

My head fell slightly to the side, still trying to figure out the girl in front of me.

"Beautiful huh?"

Her hands run down my face, settling on my shoulders.

"The most beautiful, ever."

She leans in, and time slows. I can feel each breath she exhales, and my heartbeats slowed down to where I can count the space between them, I'm sure that means I'm about to have a heart attack, but right now, the last thing I could care about is my heart rate. Her lips are on mine, and its just like the party, but different somehow. When her lips move against mine, it isn't summer that's brought to mind, its something different, its... sunsets, warm hugs, and warmer bodies, its feeling connected to something bigger then yourself and being a part of something so infinitely huge and expanseless. And liking how I fit into that limitless spectrum of feeling, and how well I fit next to Ash, lost in the middle of this raging, seething world, and how I could care less about whatever else was going on around us.

A/N: I was watching SoN while writing this lol, i always find it weird how i can watch season after season and it makes me feel better, like not so alone you know. Ah well, read, review, do your thing, peace and love.


	6. Here In your arms

A/N: I like how life will kick you in the gut when your down. Then, when you've probably gotten some bruised organs and a broken rib or two, life breaks out the sledge hammer and starts working on you with that, laughing all the while. --enjoy--

_I like, where you sleep, when you sleep, next to me,_

_I like where you sleep... here. _

A rustle to my right draws me out of a lazy sleep, and I feel a big yawn coming as my eyes struggle with the light. Giving up, I just close my eyes and sigh, snuggling into the blankets and a pair of extremely warm arms. Wait... arms?? My eyes shoot open and I'm hopping out of the bed, only to roll off the edge and onto hard wood floors.

"Ow..."

"Spence?"

A head pokes over the edge of the bed, and as soon as I see those brown eyes warm and full of concern, I remember, and suddenly feel very stupid for freaking out.

"Ummm... Hi Ash."

She's still looking at me with concern, and I find the image of her poised above me like that adorable.

"You ok DJ?"

I smile as I feel a blush begin to form all around my neck, face, and ears, and I'm sure I look even more ridiculous now. I struggle up, rubbing my sore elbow as I sit back down on the bed. I feel Ash's hands patting my back before lazily settles around my shoulder, drawing me closer. Now now people, I did not sleep with Ashley, truth be told, I'm still a virgin. Yeah, I know I'm weird, couldn't tell you what normal 17 year old girl would still be a virgin, beats the hell out of me.

"Everything still intact?"

She smiles at me, kissing the top of my head. I can only smile back in my somewhat hazed over and slightly sleepy stupor.

"Yeah, I think so. Sorry, I forget where I was for a minute."

She laughs, withdrawing her arm and standing up, stretching upwards, allowing me to catch a glimpse of an interesting tattoo on her lower back...

"So how'd you sleep?"

My mind is yanked from the matter of her lower back to her face, her eyes still shining.

"It was good, your very warm I'll have you know."

Her smile only widens and she ruffles my hair, walking past me. I watch her walk, her hips swing a little from side to side, not too much, and not too little, just that perfect amount of swing. She walks looking straight ahead, and never shuffles, like she knows where she's going and what she wants, and is walking straight to it, and nothing in the world could change her course. I have to smile, I don't know how I got this lucky.

"Need anything while I'm up DJ?"

I yawn, my muscles relaxing against my will as I sink back into the comfy bed.

"You please..."

I stifle another yawn and turn to face her, only to find her standing there, just at the edge of the raised counters, her arms folded, and a look I can't quite place on her beautiful face.

"What?"

She continues to stare, and the corners of her mouth crick up slightly, and I match the move with my own mouth. Her smile widens, and I again match it. Before long, we're both grinning like two idiots at each other, and I could keep this up forever before even considering stopping. I'm not even aware she's moved until she's right in front of me, leaning down, her eyes staring into mine. She smiles softly, her hand moving to brush a few hairs out of my face.

"Anything else I can get you DJ?"

She speaks again in that raspy sort of whisper, and it's so cute and amazing and just... sexy, all at the same time. I reach out and grab her hand, loving how it fits in mine.

"Just you."

She smiles bigger, and then tumbles in, laughing while I roll over to give her room. We settle back into the huge bed, her arm around my waist, keeping me close, my head lying on her chest, listening to beautiful music that her heartbeat and breathing create. She's so warm. Her hands are busying themselves with my hair, running through it and petting my head occasionally. It's just one of those moments, where if I had the power to halt the universe, stop the turning of the earth and the passing of time, I'd stop it all right here, right in this moment, and live in this frame of time, I would. And I'd live here forever, wrapped up in her warm embrace, listening to her live and breathe underneath me, and I would want for nothing else in the world.

"Would you sing me something Ash?"

I can feel the warmth of her smile, even though I can't see it, and her hands now drift to my shoulder and back, turning to tracing patterns on me, leaving me smiling as well.

"Anything for you DJ."

She shifts slightly beneath me, bringing me resting higher up, my head falling into the crook of her neck, and I know there is no better place then right here.

"_I'll be the fire escape that bolted to the ancient brick, where you will sit, and contemplate your day_."

Her voice travels through me, and I only hold her closer.

"_I'll be the water wings that save you if you start drowning in an open tab, when your judgements on the brink. I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite albums back, while your lying there, drifting off to sleep_."

My eyes feel heavy, and even though I try to hold sleep off, I know it's inevitable, and even though I'd love nothing more then lie awake and listen to her, I know I'll be able to wake up and be welcomed with the same thing. I have to smile for that.

" _I'll be the platform shoes, undo what heredities done to you, you won't have to strain, to look into my eyes. I'll be you winter coat, button zipped straight to the throat, with the collar up, so you won't catch cold..._"

The last thing I hear, is her. The last thing I feel, is her. The last thing I taste, is her. And the last thing I think of, before sleep claims my mind once more, is her.

A/N: Song is Brand New Colony, Postal Service, there is no better man then Ben Gibbard. Peace and love.


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